Where are the bagpipes. Is that not an unfair advantage that he is not blowing into them when he runs? And those white things he is running around, are they alien spacecraft? How can someone so old and feeble run so fast? Does he have a time machine, that provides the appearance that he is moving forward when in reality he is standing still?
Hot on the heels of the " Barnsley 10k " hoax independent confirmation of an apparently gravity defying performance by well known Garminite Peter Reeves is being sought to confirm the authenticity of this highly dubious record . It is more than likely that this is just another attempt by the larrikin Scotsman , Lord Garmin , to stretch the credibility of his long suffering fans to their garmined limit and deflect attention away from his egg and spoon world record attempt on the weekend . There are unconfirmed reports that Reeves is undergoing gender reassignment surgery in a pathetic attempt to qualify for the women's disabled Olympic mud wrestling team with his twin sister Wendy the wicked Witch of the West , who is the mother of Lord Garmin's protege Lusty Lucy. Lord Garmin was unavailable for comment as was the Pelican but has twitted the full story will be revealed at the May 3rd Minnipinni Park Run where the age graded world championship belt may be on the line . Entries have closed for the gala breakfast so tough luck if you've missed out .
Breaking news just in. Unconfirmed reports have now been confirmed. The gender re-assignment operation was indeed undertaken, but there was a mix-up with the venue and it was done at the local zoo. The resulting details are too horrific to mention here. The dream job of a ladyboy with Thai Airways is now out of reach. Will need to grow the beard back and hope they can go unrecognized.
Lord Garmin has fuelled the fires of the May 3rd Minnippi Park Run "world challenge" by suggesting that the Robot endured surgical castration in regards gender reassignment surgery simply to lose excess weight or "baggage " as his Lordship termed it . Realising that every excess gram carried counts in determing distance running performance and hence age grading it shows to what extreme some Masters' Athletes will go to gain (or lose as the case may be ) glory and hence Masters's immortality . Whereas his Lordship has added weight courtesy of his Garmin implants it seems his opposition have taken the opposite path . It can also be revealed that Lord Garmin will be testing the limits of the rule book when he competes in this week's egg and spoon Park Run international by carrying a Quail's egg araldited to a small plastic spoon secreted in his runner's jocks . The Pelican has lodged a protest but has clearly been caught off balance and may have to rethink his strategy in carrying his emu's egg balanced by a 3 kilo shovel . Whatever the outcome it is simply a sideshow to the main event on May 3rd which is set to reignite passions in what has been a rather dull Park Running season to date made duller still due to postings by Spam operatives posing as self styled and appointed "Technical " officers .
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