07 July 2012

Dreadful

Feeling absolutely dreadful today, I had the worst constipation ever brought on by the drugs I have been taking. I was stuck in the toilet trying to pass a tree! It was moving and I was in agony I nearly passed out, what a palaver!
Had to call the wife, she a squeamish at the best of times,  She ran down to the Chemist to get these mini enemas, the first one didn't work as I think it just squirted straight out with no loosening effects, the second one I managed to administer whilst lying on my bed. Stayed still for a few minutes then felt Etna erupting, ran to the toilet and had to push I believe as hard as a lady giving birth! 
The pain was out of this world but managed to get the plug out followed by a gallon of liquid $hite, 
oh the relief! still feeling $hite but at least feeling I can live again!
Natalie was not too sympathetic she said after the birth of our 4th (Lily) she didn't go for a week!
My trouble was I wanted to go but couldn't push it out! It was like stuck there, I won't go further into the really gory details but I'm not taking those drugs again Chri$t almighty the pain was just not worth it!
Have a good weekend and hope I didn't spoil your lunch!
Cheers

3 comments:

Scott Brown said...

Nasty story! But don't worry about us reading it "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!" ;)

Get well soon.

DrJH said...

Mate, this blog is turning nastier with each instalment! I thought the 'porn for sickos' photos were bad enough, now you're giving us constipation and enemas! (If I'd known you were taking opiates I would have warned you.) I think it's time you got things moving and went out for a bit of a jog!

Seriously though, things can only get better from here. Hope things improve quickly.

coach dion said...

We really didn't need to know all of that, but since you told us we will have to give you our 2 cents worth of medical advice: Just go for a run... there is nothing like a run to loosen it all up... but just be ready to dive into the bushes... (I had to do that on Thursday Night in the dark and the rain...)